Friday, September 30, 2011

Education: Is the system still segregated?



As Lil' K gets older, I start thinking more and more about her education and what that means for us as her parents. We both are very intelligent and raised on public schools. I lived right across the street from my elementary school growing up and would go on a limb saying I had some of the best education Detroit had to offer. I love the fact that kids can go to school in their neighborhoods and receive a quality education, especially considering I live in a county that pays THE highest taxes in my state.

I started researching preschools and elementary school and was not in love with any of our local options. I saw class sizes larger than the national average, testing scores only average and in some areas below. I look at the kids on the metros and kids going to charter schools and also see (at least from their foul behavior) they aren't getting much better educations than if they would have stayed in their communities.

It makes me wonder...though schools are "integrated" is their still segregation of the quality of the education received in Black neighborhoods as opposed to White neighborhoods? You hear the story of the Ohio woman who was actually jailed for trying to give her children a chance by utilizing a school whose education system was superior than the one offered in her community. Jailed! And it makes you wonder...why did we stop fight for equality of education?

Bill Gates, the richest man in America has taken up this fight. His kids don't have to worry about this because one his is rich, and another, sad to say, he is White. Why, even in the richest of Black neighborhoods, do we still allow the school systems to remain sub par.

An article featuring Bill Gates reported his anger after learning about the continued disparity in the education system: 

"he struggles to figure out why Blacks, particularly in inner cities, aren’t also mad as hell and ready to pound the pavement for change. “Why isn’t there outrage, absolute outrage over this issue? Why aren’t there protests every day? I don’t understand,” he says. “Why wouldn’t this activate people the way that it did during the Civil Rights Movement?”

Black people...why isn't there? Our child is only 2 however, we have already begun the research. I plan to visit the schools in our neighborhood and sit in on classes. I plan to talk to the principles. I would like to be able to utilize my communities services and not have to have my child bused out of our neighborhood to receive a education. Some of my personal friends are paying more than $10,000 per year for Elementary School! This is on top of the taxes we pay for these services.

Black people...why aren't we becoming involved in our communities and more importantly our education systems. For people who utilize public schools for their children, are you happy with the quality of the services provided by the neighborhood school? In comparison to other schools, do you feel the level of service is adequate? If not, what have you done or what can be done? Is the answer to just pay for private school or wait for Superman with a lottery ticket?

Why aren't we protesting? Why aren't we fighting for the right to have our children equally educated as the children in White(r) neighborhoods? In this day in age, it isn't necessarily about income because Prince George County is one of the richest counties in America. However, it has one of the highest dropout rates.

We have to stop this, and its not too late. If your children are in school...do you know the teacher? The teacher's qualifications? What rights do parents have to make changes in their schools?

This will be a reoccurring topic for me and I will post information as I discover it. I hope, since we are starting 2 years before Lil' K enters the school system, we can make a change.

Let's Go!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

In My Ears: Our First Time

This DMV dude changes the Bruno Mars song PERFECTLY. I wouldn't change a thing. I've listened to this about 400 times today and can't stay. I want to remember this moment in time.


Thank you for sharing your gift...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Is Weave "Natural"?

So, the great debate...Can you wear weave most of the time (80-90%) and still call yourself a Natural?

Dun, dun, dunnnnnnnn

I don't comment much on weave because I'm at a "to each its own" place in my life. I've worn weaves, braids, etc and I get it. But what I don't get is the Weavers saying they are Naturals. To me, that is an oxymoron. Its like saying I'm against drinking, but I have wine with dinner.

Recently, one of my favorite natural chicks, Curly Nikki, completed a few celebrity interviews. These "Natural" hair celebrities say they wear weave all the time, for work, for convenience etc but their hair is natural underneath. These interviews can be found by clicking this link. This first were with Mo and Kita, Terrell Owens home girls and the other was with Angela Simmons (from Run's House). These women all talk about how they have flowing natural hair going down their back, but to the world and for "work" they choose to keep it weaved all the time.




I ask the question...whats the f'in point???? If you live your life publically as a weaved girl and only you only see your natural hair between track installs, why call yourself a natural? Just not getting a perm doesn't make you natural. Maybe they would be considered in the transitioning stage. Transisition because they haven't come to grips with their natural hair. I don't get how you say "oh, I have long big beautiful hair, however, its not good enough to show to the world"? Aren't you buying in and perpetuating the same image of beautiful (silky, long, straight hair that never poofs up and nor has any emotion) that we, "The Naturals" (yes I say this like we are a crew) are all about?

Kita and Mo have even gone as far to speaking to young girls and have a new company about "Defining their pretty" which includes the sales of the hair they wear to the masses. I get it, they feel prettier with somebody elses hair that behaves better than their own; however, is this the message we want to promote? That our young girls have to hid their naps, or kinks, or poofs to be accepted? How are they showing they feel pretty just being themselves if they never take the weave away and just get naked?

Again, I'm not judging the weaves as a whole. I think they are a great way to help your hair grow and protect your hair, and give your natural tresses a break. But if you spend 90% or more of your life in somebody elses hair, what are you saying about your own? Angela Simmons even goes as far to say she goes to the hairdresser 2-3 times a week to get her weave tightened up. Why not give that same tender loving care to your own hair?

These women for the most part, never wear their hair out. They say if they do, they have to add additional tracks here and there for fullness, or whatever. Some of them have never even tried to manipulate their hair in its natural state without pressing, perming, etc. So I ask, why not give it a chance? Why are we so down on what we have? What makes straighter hair, thinner hair better? Aren't we trying to get past that by categorizing ourselves as "Natural"?

I guess every one's reason for going "Natural" is different. Mine reason was to show my daughter that her hair is good no matter what length or what texture it is. I want to teach young girls that you don't have to change yourself or assimilate into society. Society can accept you as you are as long as you accept who you are.

For the grown women out there, I'm in no way taking anything from you. I know a lot of women currently transitioning with braids and weaves and its great. But to make a lifestyle of doing only that seems a little fraudulent IF you are too claiming to be "Natural". If you are a weave girl, just be proud of that. If you are a lace front, be proud of that. But double dipping as a lifestyle...ehhhh, I'm not feeling that.
Don't say your are a weave girl, don't say you are a "natural" girl, just say...It's Complicated!

My BFF I've Never Met: Marsha Ambroisious


I know, you are tired of hearing about her from me...but I can't help it. I heart this chick. Everytime I hear something or read something about her, it is like, exactly how I would respond. Or what I would do. Or what I would say. I recently fell upon her cute blog Marsha Ambrosius Honestly and was too delighted to know she is also a blogger. Of course being a mega star she isn't able to update it that often, but I was able to go through and read some of her musings and love her voice.

I feel like, if she and I met in real life, we would have so much to talk about. Music, life, weight, hair, men...you name it!

Anyhoo, I'm sure, one day, if the stars align she and I will meet again (remember, we've met before). One day me, her and Amber Rose are all going out for sushi and shit talking. It is like my dream come true.

Here's to hoop dreams!

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Art of Whoopin'


When I was little, my mom would threaten me with a whoopin' for like...months, before the actual event happened. She would say, "If you do that again, I'm whoopin' you!" or "Let me find out you aren't doing well in school. Whoopin'!"

I don't remember getting very many whoopin's, however, the ones I got, I always felt were displaced. I felt like I got whoopin's for doing stuff that wasn't really "that" bad. Like my mom was just having a bad f'in day and decided to whoop me! Or slap me! Yes, I will never forget that great face slap of 89'. And the slap of 92'. Something about a slap that's damn right disrespectful...

I digress.

Being a mother, this morning, I had a Eureka about The Art of Whoopin'. Lil' K is a good child. I have NEVER (shockingly) whooped her. Her dad has popped her, her Mema has popped her, I've maybe tapped her hand once if anything, but I have never just all out spanked her behind. I try to talk to her and she's a really rational kid; so this typically works. And when things really get bad (which is rare) we do a time out.

Now, its not that I'm against a whoopin'. Because I think they are great and effective when done right. But I just have not felt the need to hand it out yet. The thing about the whoopin' is if you do it too much, it becomes ineffective and its power is taken away. I'm saving it.

But today, I felt my pressure boil and actually felt like...dare I say, giving her a whoopin'. She was being a Lil' B this morning. Super whiny, and rude, and blown because she had to get up and go to school. And I'm like, really, you are blown! After all I do for you. After bathing you, and changing you, and braiding your hair fabulously, and feeding you and allowing you to rip my belly open, you are going to have a tantrum today about your freakin' tag in your shirt. Really! That's how you feel about me! You little ungrateful....@#$@#$#!

Um, I didn't say any of those things. But I thought them. And then I had to laugh to myself and say...Oh. I get it. In her mind, 20 years later she would've thought I whooped her for her tag being a bother. In my mind I would've whooped her for being disrespectful and not complying with our morning routine, and whining, and how on school days she stays in the bed all morning but on the weekends she is at the side of my bed poking me in the eye at 6am and for...my belly (yes dammit that is a whoopable offense...I think).

I stopped and laughed at all the times I got slapped or whooped and realized that it was not about what I did that day. It was an accumulation of little kid bullshit. It was all the times combined that I had whined, and disobeyed, and back talked, and "but mommy'd" and been a jerk and the day that slap happened was the straw. I'm sure it really hurt my mom more than it hurt me (I always thought that was a load of crap). But really, now being a mom I get it. I try to keep the peace, use my words instead of my hands; but there are times when your tolerance is done son. When you think about all the f'in babies you have to deal with when you get to work. How your child has no concept of what you go through or what you feel, and they want to try you. Those times are when you need to step back. Take a 5. Walk away. Because even if in the moment you whop them, you are still going to feel bad about allowing a child to push you over the edge.

In my case, today, Lil' K did not get whooped. Because I'm just not there yet. But her punishment was not watching her DVD on the way to school. And she will be going to be at 7:30 tonight instead of 8 since she's so f'in tired in the morning.  My reward for not whoopin' will be...a whoopie pie from the Lobster Truck when it makes its way to my area this week.

And all will be right with the world.

Can grown women have playdates?

(source)
I've been in the DMV now for 9 years. Every year I make a big escape plan all to never go through with it. I came here in 2002 and said I've give it 3 years. In 2005 I started looking for a new job. In 2006 I got a new job and said I'd give it a year. In 2007 I had a new job back in Michigan, but met my soon to be DH, and said I'd give love a try. 2008 I got preggo and now...2011...still here.

I guess I should start making this place home.  And I'm dying to increase my circle with some new chicas. Chicks I have things in common with, who maybe have children the same age as me so we can have cocktails during play dates...you know. Like grown women playdates and we happen to bring our kids with us.

I've met some awesome people since living here, but I always imagined my circle being bigger. Having grand parties. Taking big couple trips.

Well recently, I met this lady at the grocery store. We were both looking at new products in the natural hair section and got to talking. She has a son near Lil' K's age and was expecting. We talked about hair, kids, products, etc. It was such a nice and refreshing conversation, that, afterwards...I longed for more. I know...it sounds romantic right and a teeny bit gay. But I didn't want to book her...well not in that way. I wanted to meet her for coffee or sandwiches at Panera Bread and talk about life with someone seemingly where I am in life. I wanted to meet her husband and wandered was he just as tall as she was. Did they play pick up basketball games? Where is she from? How long has she been in this area? Does she like her son all the time? Does she want to trade babysitting? Do they want to come over and hang?

Its crazy right? Its not very often I meet people I'm interested in. I mention to her I had a blog and was going to give her the address because some of the stuff we discussed I have talked to death on here. I also wanted to get her email address to just keep in touch with a seemingly cool mom.

I was hesitant because...I got booked in a grocery store some years back. A lady who I thought was nice chatted me up, told me about her husband, so I didn't think she was gay. Invited me to a party. And when I called her later to discuss the details of "said party" she tried to turn me into a swinger with her and her dude. I was scarred because I thought she was mad cool and I don't meet cool chicks that often. After that, I don't meet random ladies anymore. You have to be a friend of a friend or something. But now, having a child...I wonder...is it time? Should I take a chance on branching out?

Ladies...how do you go about meeting new friends? Or do you even try? I'm not a "mommy and me" or "mocha moms" type chick (tried it and failed horribly) but how do you get in new circles?

Monday, September 5, 2011

Pigtails and Ponys

So, guess what! I can finally get my hair in ponytails! Not one big one yet, but I can do pigtails!!! I've been wanting a pony tail for sooooo long!

This weekend DH gave me a whole day to do me and he kept the kid! Whew, that was awesome...and rare so I took my time getting ready. Here is my latest photo shoot on my way to run errands.




This is also after my 7lb weight loss!

And of course no photo shoot would be right if Lil' K doesn't jump in the pix too!


That cheese she is working in the pix cracks me up every time! I love it!

Vest - Macy's
Top - Ross
Belt - Forever 21
Boots - Random store on South St. in Philly
Legging - Forever 21
Necklace - H&M
Bracelet - Vintage (gift from my mom)

The Woods

DH went to a wedding in the park the other day...and here is my look.






It was his first time doing the outdoor photos for me and he got a little blown with how many I wanted so I did my accessory shots in the car. I wonder, ladies who do OOTD posts, who is taking your pix for you? It can't be your dudes, can it?

Dress - I've had this for almost for ever and bought it about 8 years ago when I first lost a lot of weight. I can finally fit it again!
Shoes - Nine West
Purse - Vintage (from my favorite Aunt who recently passed and gifted to me by her daughter)
Accessories - Rue 21

I think none of the things I had on this day were purchased prior to like 2004/5! Amazing how good stuff doesn't go bad.

Perm Envy

Lately...I've been feeling quite envious of chicas I see with perms! What is that about? I don't know, maybe the grass is always greener syndrome, who knows. 

Anyhoo, its not the long permed hair, its the short, tight hair style I used to wear. Shaved in the back, short on the sides, long in the front. I'm sure I'm going to get over it, especially since I've committed myself to at least 2 years of growing my hair out in its natural state.

I've tried to straighten my hair since going natural on more than one occasion and the results were very tragic...


Its just not a good look on me yet. I look like an old lady. It poofs up almost instantly and I can't do anything with it.

I know this too will pass, but I wonder, do any other natural chicks sometimes long to go back? Hear the creamy crack calling them? Or is it just me?

What is love?

Hmmm...

So what is love? I found this definition:

"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body... For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away..." (source).

I love this definition. It is real talk done son. Love is what you have, after you've "won" that person over. Love is not pretty, Love doesn't wear make up, Love wears a bonnet at night. Love may not take you to dinner or have stimulating conversation, and Love may, hurt you. Let me rephrase...Love will hurt you. You want to know why... because Love is hard. Love is work. Love should brought your ass home last night (ok, you know I had to do it).

Sometimes, I get caught up in the Love of it all. I get caught up missing those feelings of being "in love". The beautiful thing about marriage (and cherish this because its hard for me to find these moments) is that it forces you to fall in and out of love over and over and over again. It forces you to stay with the person after all that gushy stuff is gone; the you hang ups, no you hang ups. Through the hard times, Love is the thread, the force that keeps you together until you find something to be in love with again.

Since I've been married, me and my DH have divorced several times (in my head). And then we fall in love all over again. We are just entering our 3rd year and people say, if you get to 3 years you're good. And then other people say, you're still not safe, because you get the 7 year itch. And most recently I heard the crazy "its really the 10-13 year mark that makes or breaks you". HA! All buffoonery if you ask. From the day, the minute, the second after they pronounce you man and wife, shit gets real. Real real! And anyone who tells you it will all be a crystal staircase and cherries on top, is full of crap. Tell em Rae told you!

The bottom line is, Love is what will keep you together. Love is what sustains. Just remember, when you are having a fat week (or summer in some cases), and your natural hair journey has taken a turn for the worst, Love is what you need. Love is what you want.

So what am I saying...I'm just saying. Fluff is good. Fluff makes for nice stories and makes a good pillow. But who cares about the pillows, if you don't have a good bed.

In addition to showing what my face looks like during the Love thinking process, I wanted to show off my twist out! (more to come on these pix in the next blog post, lol).

HCG 3rd Cycle Update: 5 Days In

I started the HCG diet (modified of course...see previous links from cycles 1 and 2) on Monday and I'm down 7 lbs! 7lbs in 5 days! Its omazing! I'm back down to my weight (almost) I was since the last cycle.

I don't know what it is about the diet, I don't even think its the spray because DH did it without the spray and still lost. But you really don't put on that much weight that you lost and when you start again, you lose right away, quick! Of course, by next week, my weight lost won't be a dramatic and more gradual (the bigger you are the faster you lose) but I hope to continue.

I plan to look like this by my birthday, Novemeber 3!

#hoopdreams
I know, I know, buffy may be far fetched, but I'm on my way! Add to that, I've been working out EVERYDAY again, at least 30 minutes of some intense cardio and I'm sure I'm going to tighten it up fast! I want to be in a bikini when me and the DH go to Mexico!

Leeeeegooo!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Great Hurriquake of 2011

THIS IS MY 100TH POST!!!

Some type of bells or sirens or some other fantastical ish should be happening right now! Its happening in my head, and I guess that's enough!

Is it irony that my 100th post is about the GREAT HURRIQUAKE OF 2011?

Hurriquake...wow. Who would've thought in less than one week I survived my very first Earthquake and a Hurricane! Where they do that at? I'll tell you where, the great state, oh I mean district, of Washington, DC!

I'm sure instead of people realizing that Al Gore's Inconvenient Truth was happening all in one week, this was more reminiscent of the conversations going on...

So sad, but oh so true! If only we served a God who punished us for everything the right wing considers wrong, we'd be lucky!

Needless to say, I survived. I had lots of cocktails and listened to a lot of good music and bonded with my family. Coming "close" to death twice in one week really makes you realize how we are not in control of much. How our decisions and the way we take care of each other and the earth impact the future. How we take each day for granted. How much we don't live in "this moment".

I think this was the perfect time for a hurriquake. In my life and in America. Hopefully it shook everyone up enough and made them realize we should start taking care of each other. Not making decisions to benefit one but all. Maybe the hurriquake will wake our legislation up and make the decision making process easier. Everyone in my office was definitely more kumbaya and I hope it rubbed off on all of DC. Lefters and righters holding hands, helping each other, and realizing if the building crumbles...what will we have left? At the end of the day, even the most irrational man has to ask...what profits a man to gain the world and lose his soul?

Hmmmm...I think our current politicos are actually worst than irrational. Instead they probably figured out some way to blame President Obama for the weather and will be adding a new tax for everyone whose basement flooded.

In My Ears: The Weekend - Thursday

I heart The Weekend. I don't know if the weekend is a group, a man, young, old, black, white, and you know what...I don't care. That is the beautiful thing about music, it transcends aesthetics. It is all about the sound, the rhythm, the words. Not how cute the artist is or how naked the chicks get in the video.

Because of this, The Weekend is the best thing going for me. His/their mysteriousness adds to the intensity of the music. The Weekend just released a new mixtape called Thursday...so perfect in so many ways. Thursday is a juxtaposition of sorts. Its a day that's close to the weekend and makes you get excited, but its not quite the weekend. For some, Thursday is their weekend...its all about perspective.  As is the album.

My favorite cut on it so far is The Zone. I have not been able to give this CD the attention it needs yet, but I did have a listening party during the uneventful Hurricane we had here on Saturday.

Take a listen, tell me what you think.

Back to the basics: HCG

To say I've went HAM over the summer would be an understatement. I've went ham, turkey, corn beef...the list goes on.

I've had a super lazy summer, full of not working out, and lots of eating out. My diet, fitness, belly has just gone out the window. Add to that I signed up for the Marine Corp Marathon (only the 10K race, but still) and it is in 2 months. I have NOT worked out since June! WTF!

Today, I started old faithful...HCG again. No other diet plan has worked and stayed with me like this one. I am sad to inform you I have gained like 10 lbs during my summer of loafing around and its not a good look at all. Especially with my bday coming around and I expected to be well under my goal weight by that time.

Anyhoo, today, I got on the scale and the numbers were frightening. I was in shock and appalled at them. Yeah, my clothes have been a little more snug, but damn...who knew.

I'm back. Today, as I type I'm eating my apple:-( (I haven't eaten an apple in like 3 months) and I have a salad and chix breast for lunch (I haven't eaten a salad for lunch in like 2+ months). And my horrible horrible MelbaToast for my snack.

Ugh...*whispering in my quiet voice* leggo