Monday, December 31, 2007

Rae Pembroke Loves...the Sweat Hotel

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...
Last night I had the sheer pleasure of attending one of the most most...disturbing yet intriguing concerts of my life.

I am a HUGE Raheem Devaughn fan (cop the Love Experience if you don't have it...Love Behind the Melody coming January 15th, lol). He is indeed the hardest working man in R&B. My Beau bought tickets to what we thought was the Rah show, but turned out to be trickery at its finest.

Rah, who went on promptly at 7:20pm, was opening...opening! for dare I say...Johnny Gill and Keith Sweat. :- Wow!

Ok, we did notice that the age group was a little more...mature than the typical Raheem crowd, but this is his home town...right? So, Rah finishes...gets everyone all excited as only he can...we are feeling sexual, sweating...waiting for his encore...yes we want more...and who comes out next...Johnny the Gayman Gill!!!

Dude...I have never seen a show as gay as this since we went to the drag queen show for my girls bachlorette party! He did more high kicks than a Vegas fucking show girl! It was crazy ridiculous and more ridiculous than this was the audience participation! Raheem said everyone put your L's in the sky...everyone sat there. Johnny Gill said everyone get on your feet...and there was not an empty seat in the house (other than me and the Beau who watched in horror with his mouth open the whole time).

Johnny Gill attempted to do a Luther/Gerald Levert review and even attempted to divert your attention from his gayness by saying his "son" was watching the show so he was only going to get PG-13 tonite. Yuck! Is his R rated show when he brings out his boyfriend and the spoon on stage? I don't know...

And then...last but not least...the headliner...Keith "I know I still got it bitches" Sweat. Dudes...the crowd went freakin' bananas...b.a.n.a.n.a.s! You here me!!! He had this random "hype man" (um...who has a hype man for 80/90's R&B) that me and the Beau thought was his son. The girls lost their minds for the begginst man in the business. I must admit...i did get a little nostalgic on some of the songs and reminisce on the first time a boy grabbed my booty at a social, but some of these ladies I'm sure were thinking about that time in their momma's basement they heard "you may be young but you're ready" and conceived lil' Mook-Mook .

I realized that Raheem didn't stand a chance against this crowd of Baltimorians...who are obviously still stuck in 92' and haven't realized that a man pumping in the air with his topunbuttoned to his navel and sweating so much that there are pit stains in a black shirt.

Needless to say...I had a blast...a blast from the fucking past:-) Long live R&B!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Rae Pembroke Loves...the Reverse Cowgirl - Side Saddle Edition

The BF is going to kill me...but ladies...i have to share this with you...mind blowing, earth shattering, good loving, body rocking! Please try it and tell me what you think.

Here are step by step instructions:

1. Have a glass of wine, shot of patrone, line of coke (just kidding)...whatever you need to make you feel sexy.
2. Mount your man, as if he is a horse waiting to be tamed.
3. Do the "Lynn Spin" once you are on top of him so that you will be facing backwards.
4. While he is laying down and stunned that you are turning into a porn star..place your left leg under his left leg.
5. Straddle his right leg, placing the Joystick (and I do mean joy, lol) where you feel it should go.
6. Go to Happy town!

I have included a diagram below....I'm no Michaelangelo, but you get the point...





Rae Pembroke Loves...Pork!


Now...I have always had some type of love affair with bacon...the way it crackles when it cooks...the smell it perminates through the house...how it almost, if prepared properly melts in your mouth like an m&m...and especially how it goes with...dare I say...anything!

But recently, on a trip to the...um...quaint town of Goldsboro, NC with the boyfriend for the holidays I discovered...Barbeque. Now, I know what you are thinking...who the hell hasn't had BBQ in their lifetime. But, my dear readers...this isn't your local outside hot dog/hamburger grillin' I'm talking about..., no, no, no! We are talking about the roasting or barbequeing of an entire pigs' ass until tender and these tender ass nuggets are cut off, chopped up and soaked in some type of vinger bath and served to you through a drive through window in a tube reminicent of a cool whip container.

Needless to say I loved it and overdosed on it. But, though I'm home back in the big city, I brought a lil of the "Boro" home with me...in the form of 3 pounds of frozen pig ass that I plan on conserving like bottled water during Y2K. I do think the headaches I have been getting now are no longer from Patrone, but signs my blood pressure has risen to that of a person going in for gastric bypass surgery and my ankles are so swollen I had to wear gym shoes into the office today.

But...don't let that deter you. If you find youself down by the Bible Belt and in the Boro, don't cry ( and turn around like most people do)...head out for some good ole' North Caorlina BBQ, tell em' I sent ya.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Is who you really are only discovered after you see yourself in love?

Quote of the day...

..."Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late...."

So about me:
Younger than 30...
In love (8 months almost...don't trip, that's a long ass time)
Shacking

Last night during pillow talk I discovered I'm a totally different person than I was 8 months ago. I had all these "I never's" that have totally disapaited (is that a word) since this man has come along and rocked my world. And so it made me wonder...was I a fraud all that time? Do you really only know yourself after you fall in love?

So I thought I knew what kind of girlfriend I'd be (or had been) and what type of wife I'd make. I thought I knew what I'd put up with and someone was supposed to do for me...and now I look up and am like...who the fuck are you lady?

I went from Soul Train, to Marc Train. Party Time to just Thyme (the spice). Happy hour to...Crocheting Hour. And I'm not even married yet. Its like there was this...grandmother that lived inside of me all this time and though she would peek her lil gray head out during Christmas...she was buried down deep. I wonder what she was thinking all those late nights at Love the Club and...the diner....dun, dun, dunnnnnnnn. She must've been responsible for all those hangovers...

Well she's here and she's queer now. And nothing I can do but love her...and him...and enjoy the ride.