First, I would like to give a disclaimer…I’m going to judge you in this post. If you are not into judging, just skip it, and go to something less biased, lmbo! If you like a good internet debate, feel free to comment below. Judge me judging youJ
Leggo…
A few posts back I touched on a subject that I know is going to be a little taboo, but whatever, I gotta talk about it. It is the fact that there are still some Black Mothers who consistently take their daughters somewhere else to let people braid, wash, plait, do their child’s hair. I don’t mean for like a special event, but I am talking about the everyday cornrows and beads style. This…I have a problem with.
There are sooooooooooooo many blogs right now that feature moms, non Black moms, raising Black children, doing their daughter’s hair. I emphasize the fact that they are not Black because it shows me that they are not using their “non” Black status as a crutch to just take their daughter and her hair to someone else as their problem. These Moms realize the importance of the Mother/Daughter bond that takes place with hair. Them adopting a Black child, or having a child that is bi-racial is no copout for learning and knowing how to care for their child’s hair, so why should it be for you.
Going to the hairdresser, in my opinion should be a treat. Something reserved for when your child is older or if you choose to use chemicals on your childs hair. None of which I’m against, but bi-monthly appointments at the hairdressers for kids…I’m not with it.
I have several girlfriends, who are Black, and who do not know, are not interested in learning how to braid their daughters hair. They pay other women to do something they in fact could and should be doing themselves. (I’m judging you…yes, you). Taking a child under the age of 10 to a hairdresser to braid is just plain…dare I say…lazy. Yep, I said it. I’m not living in some type of fantasy world. Of course, Black hair is a chore. Our young daughters do not make it any easier by not sitting still, acting like we are killing them when we are trying to detangle, and crying bloody murder when we are shampooing, but all of this, in my opinion, is a labor of love.
Everything we do as Mothers, our children watch and retain. By taking care of her hair, and watching you take care of your hair, she then learns how to take care of her own hair. By sitting back reading a magazine while some other lady takes care of her hair does not give her the tools she will need to tackle one day the beautiful nest of kinky, curly, coily hair on her head. Making her feel like it is a job for someone else will make her retain that. Plain and simple.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. I tell Lil’ K, there are lots of things we will work out in therapy one day (as we all know everything we do is our Mother’s fault), but I think there is so much pride in creating styles and going through the motions of teaching her, and myself, about her hair. She blows me during the process. I may or may not have a couple glasses of wine during the process. Yes, the process may take all day, but it is something I feel necessary and it is a bonding experience.
Lil’ K is only 2 right now, but she is learning and retaining so many things about her hair. She is learning how to help mommy put beads on. She is learning how the benefits of the style are the worth minutes she has to sit still in the chair and watch reruns of Dora. I am learning the magic of popsicles and chocolate in the process. We take that time with each other because it is a part of grooming her to be a proud young lady. Proud of her hair, her culture, and to show her that nothing she has for me is too much to put off on someone else.
Now, I get it Moms. You are not the best braider. You don’t do it right enough or tight enough. But you know what, you never will if you don’t start trying. Sending your child off to the hairdresser to style her hair is, in my opinion, not that much better than the moms who perm their young child’s hair to make it easier to comb. Yes, I said it. Just like everything else, practice makes perfect. And we Mothers, can find the time to get this done. At a young age, their hair does not have to have perfectly parted and in perfectly straight braids. They benefit more from the nurturing (yes, I’m calling these scream fest nurturing) that takes place during this 2-3-8 hour process.
This is my call out to all inexperienced moms (who don’t have carpal tunnel and have full use of their hands)…Get on a blog, start youtubing, and learn how to care for your child’s hair! Just one click on this link google link gives you all the googles you need to start the process. Today! If you have a girlfriend that is good at braiding, go over her house for a tutorial (which I plan on having for my girlfriends who I’m fussing at right now). You will be so proud of yourself. Don’t use what you can’t do as a crutch.
A few of my favorite blogs for kids hair are:
