Children's Place

So I very rarely shop for my kid because we get a lot of hand-me-down clothes from my BFF. They are perfect for her and me because i don't have to think about shopping.

Well, its been a minute since we've been home to Detroit to pick up our next shipment and the temperature is dropping so I'm shopping for Lil' K.

For any other moms interested Children's Place is giving you 20% off though October 31 on all items online or in the store! Tell em I sent you.

Here is the printable coupon: 20% Off

The Art of Whoopin'

When I was little, my mom would threaten me with a whoopin' for like...months, before the actual event happened. She would say, "If you do that again, I'm whoopin' you!" or "Let me find out you aren't doing well in school. Whoopin'!"

I don't remember getting very many whoopin's, however, the ones I got, I always felt were displaced. I felt like I got whoopin's for doing stuff that wasn't really "that" bad. Like my mom was just having a bad f'in day and decided to whoop me! Or slap me! Yes, I will never forget that great face slap of 89'. And the slap of 92'. Something about a slap that's damn right disrespectful...

I digress.

Being a mother, this morning, I had a Eureka about The Art of Whoopin'. Lil' K is a good child. I have NEVER (shockingly) whooped her. Her dad has popped her, her Mema has popped her, I've maybe tapped her hand once if anything, but I have never just all out spanked her behind. I try to talk to her and she's a really rational kid; so this typically works. And when things really get bad (which is rare) we do a time out.

Now, its not that I'm against a whoopin'. Because I think they are great and effective when done right. But I just have not felt the need to hand it out yet. The thing about the whoopin' is if you do it too much, it becomes ineffective and its power is taken away. I'm saving it.

But today, I felt my pressure boil and actually felt like...dare I say, giving her a whoopin'. She was being a Lil' B this morning. Super whiny, and rude, and blown because she had to get up and go to school. And I'm like, really, you are blown! After all I do for you. After bathing you, and changing you, and braiding your hair fabulously, and feeding you and allowing you to rip my belly open, you are going to have a tantrum today about your freakin' tag in your shirt. Really! That's how you feel about me! You little ungrateful....@#$@#$#!

Um, I didn't say any of those things. But I thought them. And then I had to laugh to myself and say...Oh. I get it. In her mind, 20 years later she would've thought I whooped her for her tag being a bother. In my mind I would've whooped her for being disrespectful and not complying with our morning routine, and whining, and how on school days she stays in the bed all morning but on the weekends she is at the side of my bed poking me in the eye at 6am and for...my belly (yes dammit that is a whoopable offense...I think).

I stopped and laughed at all the times I got slapped or whooped and realized that it was not about what I did that day. It was an accumulation of little kid bullshit. It was all the times combined that I had whined, and disobeyed, and back talked, and "but mommy'd" and been a jerk and the day that slap happened was the straw. I'm sure it really hurt my mom more than it hurt me (I always thought that was a load of crap). But really, now being a mom I get it. I try to keep the peace, use my words instead of my hands; but there are times when your tolerance is done son. When you think about all the f'in babies you have to deal with when you get to work. How your child has no concept of what you go through or what you feel, and they want to try you. Those times are when you need to step back. Take a 5. Walk away. Because even if in the moment you whop them, you are still going to feel bad about allowing a child to push you over the edge.

In my case, today, Lil' K did not get whooped. Because I'm just not there yet. But her punishment was not watching her DVD on the way to school. And she will be going to be at 7:30 tonight instead of 8 since she's so f'in tired in the morning.  My reward for not whoopin' will be...a whoopie pie from the Lobster Truck when it makes its way to my area this week.

And all will be right with the world.

Can grown women have playdates?

(source)

I've been in the DMV now for 9 years. Every year I make a big escape plan all to never go through with it. I came here in 2002 and said I've give it 3 years. In 2005 I started looking for a new job. In 2006 I got a new job and said I'd give it a year. In 2007 I had a new job back in Michigan, but met my soon to be DH, and said I'd give love a try. 2008 I got preggo and now...2011...still here.

I guess I should start making this place home.  And I'm dying to increase my circle with some new chicas. Chicks I have things in common with, who maybe have children the same age as me so we can have cocktails during play dates...you know. Like grown women playdates and we happen to bring our kids with us.

I've met some awesome people since living here, but I always imagined my circle being bigger. Having grand parties. Taking big couple trips.

Well recently, I met this lady at the grocery store. We were both looking at new products in the natural hair section and got to talking. She has a son near Lil' K's age and was expecting. We talked about hair, kids, products, etc. It was such a nice and refreshing conversation, that, afterwards...I longed for more. I know...it sounds romantic right and a teeny bit gay. But I didn't want to book her...well not in that way. I wanted to meet her for coffee or sandwiches at Panera Bread and talk about life with someone seemingly where I am in life. I wanted to meet her husband and wandered was he just as tall as she was. Did they play pick up basketball games? Where is she from? How long has she been in this area? Does she like her son all the time? Does she want to trade babysitting? Do they want to come over and hang?

Its crazy right? Its not very often I meet people I'm interested in. I mention to her I had a blog and was going to give her the address because some of the stuff we discussed I have talked to death on here. I also wanted to get her email address to just keep in touch with a seemingly cool mom.

I was hesitant because...I got booked in a grocery store some years back. A lady who I thought was nice chatted me up, told me about her husband, so I didn't think she was gay. Invited me to a party. And when I called her later to discuss the details of "said party" she tried to turn me into a swinger with her and her dude. I was scarred because I thought she was mad cool and I don't meet cool chicks that often. After that, I don't meet random ladies anymore. You have to be a friend of a friend or something. But now, having a child...I wonder...is it time? Should I take a chance on branching out?

Ladies...how do you go about meeting new friends? Or do you even try? I'm not a "mommy and me" or "mocha moms" type chick (tried it and failed horribly) but how do you get in new circles?

Star Performer

To say I'm a proud mommy is an understatement!  On Saturday, my baby, only 2 years old, had her first performance.

She told me the night before she wanted "big hair, reeeeallly big hair". I said okay baby, you got it.

I blew her hair out after washing it that morning and this was her hair style for the program!

Absolutely adorable! She reminded me of a young Rudy from the Cosby Show. To do her hair I blow dryed it on low, cool heat, after detangling and sealing with Knot Today and Coconut Oil. Tied a ribbon around that fro and leggo!

She did really good with her program, other than the fact she pushed her hair up halfway through the Crayon Song and it started to look a little wild, but I didn't care.

At age 2 she performed the following: The Christian Pledge, The Crayon Song, The Alphabet in Sign Language, Several Phrases and words in Sign Language, a Spanish Conversation, and counted in Spanish! I was taken aback and soooo proud of her! It was the cutest thing I've ever seen!

I haven't cried in about 3 years, but on this day, I felt the tears welling up. They didn't fall, but it was close:-)

Following the program, I thought it was really important she and I got library cards at our new local library. So this is what we did...

I can't wait to continue learning and loving with my baby!

Hair is Bond

First, I would like to give a disclaimer…I’m going to judge you in this post. If you are not into judging, just skip it, and go to something less biased, lmbo! If you like a good internet debate, feel free to comment below. Judge me judging youJ

Leggo…

A few posts back I touched on a subject that I know is going to be a little taboo, but whatever, I gotta talk about it. It is the fact that there are still some Black Mothers who consistently take their daughters somewhere else to let people braid, wash, plait, do their child’s hair. I don’t mean for like a special event, but I am talking about the everyday cornrows and beads style. This…I have a problem with.

There are sooooooooooooo many blogs right now that feature moms, non Black moms, raising Black children, doing their daughter’s hair. I emphasize the fact that they are not Black because it shows me that they are not using their “non” Black status as a crutch to just take their daughter and her hair to someone else as their problem. These Moms realize the importance of the Mother/Daughter bond that takes place with hair. Them adopting a Black child, or having a child that is bi-racial is no copout for learning and knowing how to care for their child’s hair, so why should it be for you.

Going to the hairdresser, in my opinion should be a treat. Something reserved for when your child is older or if you choose to use chemicals on your childs hair. None of which I’m against, but bi-monthly appointments at the hairdressers for kids…I’m not with it.

I have several girlfriends, who are Black, and who do not know, are not interested in learning how to braid their daughters hair. They pay other women to do something they in fact could and should be doing themselves. (I’m judging you…yes, you). Taking a child under the age of 10 to a hairdresser to braid is just plain…dare I say…lazy. Yep, I said it. I’m not living in some type of fantasy world. Of course, Black hair is a chore. Our young daughters do not make it any easier by not sitting still, acting like we are killing them when we are trying to detangle, and crying bloody murder when we are shampooing, but all of this, in my opinion, is a labor of love.

Everything we do as Mothers, our children watch and retain. By taking care of her hair, and watching you take care of your hair, she then learns how to take care of her own hair. By sitting back reading a magazine while some other lady takes care of her hair does not give her the tools she will need to tackle one day the beautiful nest of kinky, curly, coily hair on her head. Making her feel like it is a job for someone else will make her retain that. Plain and simple.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not perfect. I tell Lil’ K, there are lots of things we will work out in therapy one day (as we all know everything we do is our Mother’s fault), but I think there is so much pride in creating styles and going through the motions of teaching her, and myself, about her hair. She blows me during the process. I may or may not have a couple glasses of wine during the process. Yes, the process may take all day, but it is something I feel necessary and it is a bonding experience.

Lil’ K is only 2 right now, but she is learning and retaining so many things about her hair. She is learning how to help mommy put beads on. She is learning how the benefits of the style are the worth minutes she has to sit still in the chair and watch reruns of Dora. I am learning the magic of popsicles and chocolate in the process. We take that time with each other because it is a part of grooming her to be a proud young lady. Proud of her hair, her culture, and to show her that nothing she has for me is too much to put off on someone else.

Now, I get it Moms. You are not the best braider. You don’t do it right enough or tight enough. But you know what, you never will if you don’t start trying. Sending your child off to the hairdresser to style her hair is, in my opinion, not that much better than the moms who perm their young child’s hair to make it easier to comb. Yes, I said it. Just like everything else, practice makes perfect. And we Mothers, can find the time to get this done. At a young age, their hair does not have to have perfectly parted and in perfectly straight braids. They benefit more from the nurturing (yes, I’m calling these scream fest nurturing) that takes place during this 2-3-8 hour process.

This is my call out to all inexperienced moms (who don’t have carpal tunnel and have full use of their hands)…Get on a blog, start youtubing, and learn how to care for your child’s hair! Just one click on this link google link gives you all the googles you need to start the process. Today! If you have a girlfriend that is good at braiding, go over her house for a tutorial (which I plan on having for my girlfriends who I’m fussing at right now). You will be so proud of yourself. Don’t use what you can’t do as a crutch.

A few of my favorite blogs for kids hair are:

http://www.happygirlhair.com/

beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com

http://tweenyhair.blogspot.com/

Look Ma, No Hands

I just wrote a post about my new favorite rapper, Wale (download and listen to it here). But I found this pix of K to match it. A couple of weeks ago she was in the D at a princess party for her Godsister. In a pix of about 6 lil' girls, only K and J did this...

Her Godmommy is a loose meat sandwich, so I'm not sure what she said to make them do this, or why only K and J were the ones doing it. But its way too cute not to share.

I wanna do it!

I recently found these pictures and had to share them. Around the time my journey started a year ago, Lil' K started to get interested in hair. I talk about it on my "Hair Journey" page.

Anyhoo, one day she decided she wanted to do her hair. Below are the results...

I know right. Awesome! She may have the hairdresser gene after all!

Rags to Riches...

This weekend I turned these heads...

Into these heads...

Above is my lovely niece (currently transitioning) and my Lil' K. I've been teaching my niece about her hair and did a cute twist out to show her even transitioning girls can share in the fun...

 I undid K's hair and let her wear it in a fro until I felt like washing and blowing out.

For my niece's hair, I cut about an inch off of the above style all around. She has a lot of breakage because of the transition, so the cut will do her well. I put extensions in her hair to give her some length and to preserve her style while she is with grandma for the summer. Hopefully, with care, these will last about a month and she will have about 1/2 of growth. She will need probably one more cut before she is fully all naturale!

For K's hair...after the fro, I washed and detangled. I blew out and this is her pix after I trimmed her ends...

Look at all that hair! It kinda surprised me too after I saw it! And this is after I trimmed her ends! I only trim her ends maybe once every 4-5 months. Since she will be gone for a long length of time, I wanted her hair to be as healthy as possible.

I braided it in french braids with two rows per section to save the style (hopefully for a month) while she is with grandma.

They were both too cute with their hair done! I was exhausted after this weekend needless to say. I plan to give a little natural hair clinic to my friends' daughters who are currently transitioning and teach them some styles they can do other than just flat ironing. I can't wait to spread the word.

My Lil' Monster

So, Lady K has realized she is a little flyy and anytime she is looking especially fly, she asks me to take a picture of her...(straight face...no lie). Today, we were going to Sunday dinner and she wanted to capture the moment...

And who wouldn't! I mean...afro puff, blazer, tutu and gym shoes?!? I want this look!

Picture yo face!

I love pictures I really do. Before I got married I was the picture lady. Lots of pictures of me and my friends all over the place. That was also pre-digital camera and I had to go get pictures developed to see them. So bam, you already had the pictures. Now, with digital camera you see the pictures, you send them digitally, you post them on facebook…but where are they in the house? I own know!

Bad Mommy Blogs

Look at her...super cute right.

Sure.

Yes, i LOVE my daughter. Totally. Freakin'. Love. Her. I think she's prettier than, smarter than, awesomer than your kid, hands down. However, me...that's the person in question.

Raspusha

So, in K's school, there is this little girl. Well, big little girl. Every time I come in and she sees me, she pushes past all the other kids to come and give me a very aggressive hug. I think to myself, "Dang girl", but instead give her a sweet mommy smile and rub her little big back.

Well on this day, she was looking especially cute. Typically ummmm...she's not (I'm sorry). She had on a dress and her hair was braided really nicely. So I told her, "You look really nice today, I love your dress", in which she replied in her REALLY raspy baby voice "I like YOUR dress, and you got on two belts"...wait for it, wait for it "AND my favorite ice cream in VANILLA". WTH, LMAO!

It took all my mom energy and tack to not roll on the floor and bust out laughing. What did that exchange even mean. Did she want some ice cream? Did she think she was supposed to get some because she gave me a compliment...and most importantly...did I have on two belts? LOL! This had me cracking up because kids are so freakin' honest and just kinda say what they want. I am somewhat of a blurter too, so I thought it was amazing cute and made me fall a little in love with Raspusha (this I'm sure is not her name, but you get the reference.

So, here is a really bad bathroom pix I took when I got to work, of my two belts.

I can see where she got that from, lol. But I love it love it love it. I wear my skirts up really high with a very wide belt now and tight tops because awesomely I have lost so much weight, my work clothes don't fit. I'm reserving my shopping spree to buy new work clothes for a new job. So, I get creative with options from my old suits.

I decided that day, if I had any meetings, I was going to open with "Hello, thank you for coming today...my favorite ice cream is Superman." But I didn't get the chance.

IHip

So, the other morning, K and I ditched our AM activity schedule when we heard the good news. IHop was giving away free pancakes, in exchange for a donation. And since I LOVES my charity, it was really the only right thing to do.

We made a detour on the way to her school and picked up a couple short stacks.

The excitement on her face was just a glimpse into how awesome she felt this morning turned out to be. I was really the hippest mom in the room. We sang Jewel songs (I sang, she mimicked me singing) as they came on the radio. We colored, and we just slowed down from the hustle and bustle of the morning and schedules.

It was great for her to know we can mix it up sometimes, and great for me to have some private time with my little Lady. Those are the moments that make memories.

Now, if only I wasn't so awesome she wouldn't have humiliated me when I finally dropped her off at school crying out, "Mommy noooooooooo, noooooo Mommy, I want to go back to my pancakes!!!!" A little thing we call balance she has not quite worked out. In many ways, Mommy hasn't either.