Rae Pembroke Wonders...When to Say When?

So...I feel that I'm a pretty outspoken, fabulous fun female. And most of the chicas that I roll with are the same. Something has gotten me down lately though. It is that some of the Super Awesome girls I know and love have a problem...their Pecker Picker is broken.

By Pecker Picker, I mean, the men they choose to spend their life with, not just the jump off ones are wrong...wrong, wrong, wrong. I admit for a minute, mine was a little off too, but how do you tell your girl its time for a calibration?

Is there any nice way to say hey, I love you, but hate your mate? Its weird because the ones going through it are the most outspoken, fun, party-starting fun, fearless, females I know. I mean, they are great, but for some reason they don't feel they are great enough to be with someone who can cherish and cultivate them.

I guess I'm just venting, but I wish there was something I could do to insure everyone had an awesome Pecker Pick, a win, win. But does not agreeing with your girls choice in men eventually interfere with your choice of her? Is there a way to keep it separate and not judge or feel affected by her decision?

What has been y'all experience? When do you say when to being a friend?

The numbers game...Do you Love It?

So, I was recently reading a copy of the Beau's Maxium Magazine and there was an article about the dreaded "numbers" question.

Do you tell or want to know how many partners your guy has had? Would you tell the truth when asked? Is it better to have higher or lower numbers? Is it sexier for a man with low numbers or a woman...and vice-versa?

My policy on this is like the army...don't ask, don't tell. I don't know how I would feel if I found out my guy was a virgin before me...or to find out he was a himbo. Is there any magic number that could make me feel ok? Do men with higher numbers really know what they are doing moreso than a man with lower numbers or does a man with lower numbers mean he likes to practice his craft with one girl?

So...do you really want to know?

Rae Pembroke Loves...Brazilian Meat

I know, I know...its not exactly how you think.

Though I do own my share of Brazillian pornos, I don't mean that type of meat. I'm speaking of the Brazilian Steakhouse Foga de Chao, lol.

Let me tell you, it is some of the most delicious, prime, tender, cuts of meat you will ever have in your mouth. The customer service is unparallel and the bartender upgraded my Patrone Gimlet receipe.

Its just plan good. The walk around with meat on swords and keep cutting you piece until you flip over your sign from green to red. Its crazy!

I wasn't prepared...though i hadn't really eaten that day, I think I needed maybe a week to get myself...and my colon in order. I loved it!

I'm sure i totally turned the Beau off by my overdosing on lamb chops, filet mignon, and the related...but I'm sure I can make it up after a viewing of Brazilian Bubblebutts...XXX

Rae Pembroke is Mad as Hell

I came from this town where they had "Mad as Hell Mondays" and people would call in and tell the host about something that pissed them off over the weekend.

Well, I'm having mad as hell Thursday right now! I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. My job is dumb and I did not go to college for this. I went to college so I could be a house wife! And look pretty and go to the gym in the morning after I drop those kids off to day care or school. And get my hair did once a week along with my nails and toes.

And have lunch and Bloody Mary's with the other house wives as we discuss our next "fun"raiser for the Barack Obama campaign and we'll wear our cute "Obama Mama" shirts.

What happened to that dream???

Is it over?

Is it possible?

What has happened to my life? Working 10 hours days, slaving over paperwork, I've even been reduced to drinking coffee. Yes, I've become a Yuppie:-( I learned today that if you want to put a lot of milk you have to tell the person by the number of fingers you have or somethign like that.

Well...what next...I'll be caring a brief case and be sporting a scary shapeless trench coat before its all over. And loafer...and not cute gucci ones, they'll probably be something from like aerosoles since I have to walk...

And stockings...I hate stockings...

...Mad as Hell...

Rae Pembroke Loves...Raheem Devaughn!

Ya'll, Ya'll, Ya'll...

Raheem has done it again...(and by it, I do not mean me). He has made a CD that surpassed everything I could've imagined. He is exactly what I thought he was...a mystro!

Love Behind the Melody is everything I've wanted to say, feel, do, sing, make, think about LOVE. It is definatly the theme song of my life for the past year.

Marthon with Floetry is on repeat in my mind and I don't want it out. And Desire...

I left work, went to a real live record shop (yes the exist and are expensive as shit) who was actually closing down and only opened to sell this!

Anyhoo...I can't stop listening...get it...twice.

Rae Pembroke Loves...VOSGES

I don't how the hell someone crawled into my brain and dug out my inner most desire,but it has happened...and i should have known it would be in the town I love the most...Chi-town.

A Chicago based chocolatier, Vosges, has created a masterpiece, at least to every big girl in that nation...A Bacon Chocolate Bar!!! Yes...bacon, and chocolate...all together.

Man, I'm so freaking excited right now...if I had a penis, it'd be rock hard right now!

You have to visit the website and read the description. As maxim describes it...its almost pornographic...I guess if you are into that.

Anyhoo...These bars are currently on back order (yall know I tried to get some rushed delivered) but I will give you a full report when I receive my shipment. I'm sure at least once a month this will make sense for all the ladies.

Yummy!

http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/product/calindia_exotic_candy_bar/exotic_candy_bars

Rae Pembroke Would Love...Some mutha@#@$# sleep!

Ok, so its...4:11 am and I am still up.

If its not the restless legs its my over anxious, computer for a brain thinking of a million things I should be doing. So I decided to get up and do them. I cleaned the bathroom, did the dishes, started taking down the christmas decorations (I know, that shoulda been done already) and then watched an episode of Martin while poppin ballons that still have helium from my birthday party!

After that I quickly stopped because I was sure I heard the Beau coming downstairs, and knew he'd realize he has moved in with a crazy woman and pack his shyt...but it was the dryer (I washed a load of clothes too).

So...after my neat freak attack I'm still up. I've checked my email (only marketing), I've checked my myspace (nothing) and now I blog...

Maybe I shouldn't have taken that 3 hour nap earlier, but dammit I was sleepy! or maybe I should have a cocktail...its 5:00 somewhere.

Hope you all had a good night...damn I wish I had a requip right now!

Rae Pembroke Loves...RLS

Are your legs keeping you up at night???

LMAO...that's how the advertisement begins for sufferers of RLS (or for those novice, Restless Leg Syndrome). It struck a cord in me because I believe I am a sufferer of RLS and after hearing all of the awesome side affects of the medication prescribed to treat it...I hope I am.

This medicine...Requip, is a miracle drug. Its to help us, millions of Americans who have the urge to move their legs at night. I think this is also called...Happy Feet, but I'm not sure.

Anyway, the medicine has such side affects as...sweatyness when standing, increased urges to gamble or have sex, or drink...and I don't know about you, but I can't wait for my trial pack!

Is it possible though...that the reason these people have restless legs because they have already been fucking too much and their legs are too tired? I don't know...I'm no M.D.

Anyhoo, if in the next few months I bet you all significant amount of money or try to hump you legs...realize...at least my legs are not keeping me up at night:-)

Rae Pembroke Loves...Charity Work

Last year around this time, I was...coerced (to say the least) into walking a marathon and a half (approximately 39 miles) for charity. It was a good cause and I'm charity whore, so I said...sure. Raise the money, walk it out, win/win.
I felt like walking wasn't that bad, even if it was 39 miles over 2 days...I mean, I walk everyday. So, I didn't really practice walking...I knew how to do that. Instead...I practiced drinking, lmao. The days of the practice walks I was way too hung over to get out there and "practice" walking and I'm a pro anyhoo...my walk is mean.

So, day of the walk I'm cute, ready, got my new sneaks, even had a fresh hair cut with the cancer ribbon tatted...I was nice.

And...6 miles into the walk...who has to stop at the CVS because their arch drops...you guessed me...! And 15 miles into the walk who had to call their BFF because they were going into hypotherimia...yep, that'd be me...and who at mile 24 said fuck chairty bring that sweep van to take me home......me.

But the next day, I got out and I walked again...well...kinda walked. It was more like a limp, hop, walk, type thing, but whatever. 4 miles into that...I was bandgaged up on both ankles and by 10 miles my entire "team" had spit in my face and left me (just joking).

But...something in me...pride, enertia, dumbness, something, made me keep going and I did finish...the walk. And it was one of the proudest moments of my life.

Most of you may wonder why I'm telling this story...well...its because...on the train, I saw the posters for walk and it brought up so much feeling in me. I thought to myself...man...that walk, that walk, that walk was some bullshit! It damn near killed me, and for charity! Ha!! They have those fake as pictures of those ladies smiling and embracing when everyone really is funky and hungry and hurting and pissed they even signed up for the "walk"...!!!!!!!!!!

After that "walk", I can barely walk now, I have tendonitis, shin splints and everything else. Pop, lock and drop has a new meaning for me. It is what happens when I try to bend down to pick up something. My legs pop, then lock, and I drop whatever I had in my hands from the pain.

So booooooooooooo that false advertisment! Below is how the ad should look....

Rae Pembroke Loves...The New Year's Insight

So....

We are at another new year. I have made goals like...losing one of my stomachs, getting Obama elected (the good one, not the bad one) and to be happy where I am.

One of my good friends wrote me today. We are typically in the same mental situation at different times and for the first time are FINALLY in the same place at the same time. And the equalling factor has been boys (I know...they can balance you...who knew!).

Anyhoo, we both talk about where we were last year at this time. Me, trying to find another too expensive dress for a celeb event that I was going to hate when I woke up with yet another hangover and phone full of guys who bullied me into putting their numbers in my phone...in exchange for cocktails of course. We were so...cool right? LOL...We thought those invites were so precious and were too pumped to rub shoulders with the likes of...um, Marion Barry.

Months and hundreds of dollars later...we have become someone totally different. We have real ideas on how we will spend our weekends...which for me will be a pampered chef guilt trip, followed by a 4 year old birthday party, and last but not least...the cheesecake factory with my retired Drunken Hot Girls.

And it took a boy to do this..really? Now...instead of laying in bed wishing my head will stop beating, I'm laying in bed hoping my heart doesn't stop beating with sheer admiration for this man. (sappy...I know). After a hard day at work, I'm no longer waiting to go to the bar and sit and talk to several randoms I don't know...but, I love to go home to the one who knows me best.

Its hilarious because the same previously bland friend who didn't get excited about her ex at all is now saying she is so in love, she is currently stalking her new boyfriend...while in the same bed as they sleep of course. She actually catches herself looking at him to make sure he's real (and probably that he's not going to try to do the hug-n-roll and run away). She said she keeps one eye opened and one closed so he doesn't catch her being a creep. Man, what a difference a year makes!

I've included a sketch of the visual I thought about...how precious:-)